Love
Losing and finding my mojo
I lost my mojo.
It sort of disappeared around the time of my mother’s death. Long story short – I lost all my desire to write publically. I am not sure why. A subject for another blog post maybe?
But I suppose the grieving process was, and is, a tricky one. I spent an entire month in bed with no desire to leave the comfort and confines of my bedroom – unless it was absolutely necessary. I was exhausted. But my desire to write was still there but I didn’t want to sit in front my computer to write and share.
So here I am. More than a year after my last public post I am ready to get back into the swing of things.
So here goes……
What I have learnt after 12 years of Buddhist practise
12 years ago last month I chanted Nam Myoho Renge Kyo for the first time in my entire life. I have chanted every day since. I walked into the Acton Centre, on 14 June 2004, I made a cause to change my life fundamentally. Since that day I have been on a profound journey of deep inner spiritual change also known as human revolution.
Here are 12 things, lessons and observations I have learnt about myself since the day I decided to take up faith and practise Nichiren Buddhism with SGI-UK – in no particular order.
- ANY problem, pain or suffering, or poison, can be changed. Not only can it be changed it can turn into amrita or medicine.
- The person who has suffered the most has the right to be the happiest person and will indeed become the happiest person.
- Absolute joy comes from the Mystic Law – through chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo and practising with SGI.
- Human revolution is definitely the best journey I have EVER experienced.
- By changing myself my environment changes. When I change the world changes.
- Every challenge, obstacle, conflict and persecution is a source of creating true happiness.
- Every experience is for my development and for me to share actual proof of the greatness of Buddhism.
- Faith is a life-long journey.
- When I think it is time to relax a new challenge comes my way (Thanks Brexit).
- I cannot change anyone – other than myself.
- I do not take money, property, status or school certificates with me when I die. I take with me my life state and the good or bad causes I made throughout my lifetime.
- Sharing Nam Myoho Renge Kyo is the quickest and best way to change your life.
21 things I wish I could tell my 21-year-old self
Youth is the most precious thing in life; it is too bad it has to be wasted on young folks. George Bernard Shaw
The three images below depict my life when I was 21-years old on the eve of the millennium. I was young, arrogant, hard-headed and I felt like I had so much opportunity to change the world and fulfil all of my dreams. The reality was very different from my imagination of the future.
The main photo is of me coming back from a two-month road trip in the USA in September 1999. The other picture is an artist impression drawn by my line manager, Phil, at Tellex Monitors. This was my first proper job after leaving university. It was a fun experience and I laughed so much during my time there. I sent the postcard to someone special from Morocco in 2000. Marrakesh was a place I initially learnt to trust the process of my life and if I did the rewards would be beautiful.
The 21 lessons, musings and reflections I have learnt about my life specifically – in no particular order – since coming back from my trip to the USA.
- The internet, technology, IT will be a thing. It will change everything.
- As much as I hate to admit it: Patience is a virtue.
- Buddhism, Nam Myoho Renge Kyo and the Gohonzon will change everything. Trust the process.
- Madness is doing the same thing over and over again.
- People have more in common than they don’t. Do not buy into the propaganda that separates human beings along the lines of sexuality, colour, class, country or religion.
- Money is going to London is transform into a homogeneous capital.
- As I change so will my environment. This means my relationships with friends, family, neighbours, co-workers and others will adapt accordingly. Not everyone will be happy. Which brings me to the next point…….
- I am not responsible for anyone’s happiness.
- Being happy regardless of circumstances is THE key to happiness.
- Failure is good – learn the lesson. This is the key to transformation. Persecution can also good – it is about life state.
- Go to that concert. Michael Jackson, David Bowie and Prince have passed on…. you’ll never get to see them live. And holograms, like the rapper Tupac being revived in this medium, do not count.
- Acknowledge pain. It is valid do not suppress or avoid it.
- Dance!! Because you love it. And dance like nobody’s watching.
- Love yourself.
- Walk.
- Smile and speak to strangers.
- Rejoice and embrace change.
- Stop hiding – embrace the universe inside yourself.
- Gratitude is the attitude.
- Forgive.
- Change hearts not minds. “It is the heart that is important.”
Westfield equals enlightenment
Where is Westfield?
This is one of the questions I am most asked when I am out and about in my neighbourhood. Even though there are signs everywhere. I think it is human nature to not see what is right in front of you ie a massive shopping centre.
When I decided to share Nam Myoho Renge Kyo with as many people as possible in 2013, following the decision to construct the foundation of happiness for the rest of my life, my motto was “if you are standing in front of me you are going to hear about the Mystic Law”.
And when people ask me for directions to Westfield – what I really hear is some saying to me directly that they want to be enlightened. So I tell them about Nam Myoho Renge Kyo – the sound of the universe.
Sharing my life, Nam Myoho Renge Kyo and imparting hope as well as confidence to many people as possible has been the most joyful aspect of the practise for me. I was speaking to a chugger, a person raising funds for charity, and as a result of our conversation I told her that through chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo she is able to transform her life and become infinitely happy, she was so encouraged.
So when I bumped into Steve McQueen, who won the Best Film Oscar for 12 Years a Slave in 2014, earlier this week I wasn’t fazed. Our highest life states connected – even though I suspect he didn’t want to talk to me – we had a conversation as people bustled past on Oxford Street.
I know that if I didn’t go on this journey to share Nam Myoho Renge Kyo with as many people as possible I wouldn’t have had the confidence to be so bold.
My only regret was not sharing the Mystic Law with him – as I may never have the opportunity again.
Sharing Nam Myoho Renge Kyo
At the beginning of 2013 I was deeply unhappy. At that point I was practising Nichiren Daishonin Buddhism with SGI-UK for about nine years. An integral part of the practise is sharing Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, or the Mystic Law, with others so that they are able to use the chant to become absolutely happy themselves.
I felt my life was at an impasse. I being unchallenged at work, some of my friendships were causing me to suffer, an ex-boyfriend threatened me and I was ill. I was also very unhappy in my Buddhist community.
Every morning I struggled to go to work. My desire during that long cold winter was to lay the foundations of happiness in my life – for the rest of my life. I wanted to be happy. At the time I was unsure why I was so unhappy. I knew deep down that there was hope. Even though it didn’t feel like it at the time.
Since 2004, when I awakened my Buddhahood, I was happy to support meetings, contribute, chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo and recite two parts of the Lotus Sutra daily and study the texts written by Nichiren Daishonin – the 13th-century Buddhist monk upon whose teachings the SGI is based.
The only aspect of the Buddhist practise I didn’t feel comfortable with was sharing Nam Myoho Renge Kyo with others. I was very uncomfortable with this aspect. I now realise this is because of my past. Also the arrogant part of me felt it was unnecessary to tell people because I discovered Nichiren Daishonin Buddhism myself.
An example to illustrate how bad I was at sharing the practise was an incident that happened around 2009. I was reading a bright yellow book about Nichiren Daishonin. Someone asked me what I was reading and insisted that I tell them. Even though I felt very uncomfortable about telling them what it was – this person demanded, in a nice way, that I share with them the Mystic Law.
In December 2012, around the time I decided to change my life fundamentally, I was in a café and man insisted that he wanted to talk to me – even though I was trying to ignore him – ironically behind my Buddhist magazine published by SGI-UK. It was this encounter that made me feel that I needed to share Nam Myoho Renge Kyo with as many people as possible and that this was the key to happiness. I also did share the Mystic Law with this man.
The desire to share Nam Myoho Renge Kyo with everyone has led to many interesting encounters. I had many joyful experiences. A lot has changed since I decided to go on this journey. At the beginning, it was primarily about me changing my life.
What has transformed now is that I share Buddhism because I have profound respect for another person’s life. I really want the person who I am sharing the Mystic Law with to practise, if it is right for their life, so that they can become infinitely happy. I also want people to tap into their infinite courage, wisdom, compassion and life force.
I want every person I encounter to become absolutely happy and really connect with the Mystic Law. As a result, I have had amazing encounters with many precious people.
Now when people see me they say to me I look very happy.That is because I have become my name:
I am joy.
Glasto changed my life
Glastonbury Festival is one of the post popular music events in the UK. I remember when I was a teenager really wanting to go, but I had no one to go with. I always wanted jump the fence, sneak in and have a life changing experience.
The festival has had resulted in many transformations for me. It has a special place in my heart. The festival has been part of my experience of becoming happier, awakened and transforming my life for the better.
I started to practise the Nicherin Daishonin’s Buddhism with SGI-UK as a direct result of my strong desire to go to the festival.
I am preparing to go this year – this year might be my last opportunity to go for a while – so I am going to make the most of it by sharing eight ways the festival in Pilton changed my life:
- My strong desire to go to Glastonbury led me to Buddhism in 2004
- Trusting the festival process
- I was at the festival the year that Michael Jackson died in 2009
- I am Queen of the Glastonbury Dancehall
- Meeting random people
- Festival food
- Discovering undiscovered music groups
- It doesn’t matter that I smell.
I don’t like dogs!
I’m suspicious of people who don’t like dogs, but I trust a dog when it doesn’t like a person. Bill Murray, actor
I was brought up in London.
For the first 12 years of my life we lived on the top flat of a Victorian town house in Hammersmith. My days were spent playing around Ravenscourt Park and avoiding dog shit from irresponsible dog owners.
I don’t like pets for the above reason. I am not an animal lover. I am really sorry to those people who love pets.
Recently dogs and cats just seem to love me. They run up to me and want me to stroke them. Even the most nonchalant and independent of cats want me to pay attention to them.
While on a holiday in Scotland a very excited dog came bounding towards me for me to play with him while I was walking around Loch Lomond with my sister. Indeed, various dogs, as well as cats, come to me for love and attention.
The funniest thing about these dogs are that they seem annoyed when I don’t pay them any attention whatsoever. I always laugh at them and say, ‘I am not going to love you!’, but they seem to want me to love them.
Most recently I was walking through Acton and this dog, called Micha, came up to me had a good sniff and rubbed his nose between my legs.
I broke.
I am going to start embracing my furry friends with love – like Gloria pictured.
Indeed, my neighbours have asked me to look their cat Archie!
Rediscovering a friend
Yesterday, I wrote about how my friend Lily chanted for my happiness, and I was able to change my suffering into joy.
I also have a different friend who was an enemy that I also turned into an ally. When I met her more than a decade ago my first impression of this woman was I didn’t like her. At the earliest opportunity I cut her off. I didn’t speak to her for many years.
I have been going on a spiritual, emotional, physical and psychological transformation and awakened aspects of myself that have been buried during the last few years. I harbour a lot of resentment and grudges. I decided that I needed let this one go. I called her up and we spoke. In transforming my relationship with myself I realised my dislike of her had nothing to do with her but everything to do with me.
I am still on a journey of letting go of grudges, resentment and the past. However, by transforming my relationship with this one person I have been able to open up new positive possibilities.
The day I met Ike
On 11 February 1990, the impossible happened. Nelson Mandela, the South African anti-apartheid campaigner, was freed from prison after 27 years.
It was also the day me, my mum and two sisters moved from Hammersmith to East Acton. I remember it being cold. It also may have even snowed for the time in my living memory.
I think about this period many times as it was around that time I met my friend Ike. He died in spring 2008 and today would have been his 38th birthday.
I don’t remember the exact day I met Ike – but I do remember the time – as he moved into the area around the same time (we always used to argue about who moved onto the street first).
I don’t remember being especially conscious of meeting him at the time. However, I do remember one of his brothers. As we queued at the bus stop his brother would stay in the warmth of his home and when he saw the number 72, which was a double-decker in those days, he would run across the green outside their house straight onto the bus.
I remembered them being together in the mornings chatting away as on the top deck of the bus as it snaked and weaved itself to Hammersmith.
I was mostly indifferent to Ike but there was part of me that really disliked him. Why did I dislike him? He was always happy to see me. Always. He would always sing my name: ‘Joy joooy jooooy jooy jooy joy!!’, without ever having a conversation with me. Not that I wanted to have a conversation with him. He didn’t even stop singing at me when his good friend Simon embarrassed him in front of me.
I wasn’t a shy person. Maybe I was. I think I disliked him because he saw me: Joy Dunbar. I wasn’t someone’s sister, friend or daughter in his eyes. I was Joy Dunbar. I think he felt that I was an amazing human being – even though I didn’t feel it at the time.
As we got older our friendship deepened.
I stopped disliking him.
Eventually, I loved him as a true friend.
joy dunbar 
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