Love

Thanking the spoon

Posted on by joydoneblog

My friend, who I will call Josh, was very critical of me. I wasn’t acting right, according to him.

My actions were effecting his life.

Josh didn’t consider his role in the course of events or how his actions resulted in me acting in a particular way. But based on something I didn’t say he was vexed. At me.

He vented. He expressed his fury. He was irritated, angry and aggravated by me and made it very clear.

I listened. I didn’t say a word. I didn’t respond.

A different friend one evening after enjoying my generous hospitality sat in my living room and told me to my face that she stabbed me the back. I challenged her in a non-threatening way. She backtracked without realising what she did.

Both experiences with my so-called friends drew out the poison in my life. It was painful. It hurt. I am still working on forgiving them.

However, these friends enabled me to grow into a different person by highlighting the problems in my life.

One of my most favourite philosophers is educator, businessman and Buddhist Josei Toda.

He said when we are upset, it’s easy to blame others. However, the true cause of our feelings is within us.  He uses the following analogy which I applied to my life: I am a glass of water. My past negative experiences are sediment at the bottom of my glass. Others, like my so-called friends, are spoons. When stirred, the sediments cloud the water.

He then goes on to say that it may appear that the spoon caused the water to cloud – but if there were no sediment, the water would remain clear. The key, then, is to identify our sediment and actively work to remove it.

These so-called friends, or spoons, encouraged me to look within and I went on a journey of transformation and I am much happier for it.

 

The day I decided not to wait

Posted on by joydoneblog

I am always waiting for a particular friend who I will call David. Usually at least an hour. They say that they are going to turn up at 7pm and they will turn up at least an hour later with an excuse which always feels like a lie.

I have known David for many years. The longer I have known him the longer I have had to wait.

One day we arranged to meet. It was one of those hot hot days in London town.

We spoke very early in the afternoon and he said he wanted to see me. I suggested a walk. He promised to call me in a couple of hours. I gave him three.

I started to rearrange my plans to fit in day of strolling through one of the many parks in my area with David. Something in my heart said do not rearrange your plans – as it would have meant staying indoors on one of the hottest days of the year. I didn’t reorganise my activities.

I had a great afternoon in park. I did what I had to do the evening.

After 9pm I got a phone call from David. By time I noticed, as I don’t always like having my phone with me, it was after 10pm.

We spoke. David didn’t realise the importance of the walk for me and he just wanted to meet up for a drink.

He offered to see me the following day.

I had plans.

I knew in that moment I would never wait for him again.

I never have.

I let him go.

I love walking

Posted on by joydoneblog

All my senses are alive – I can hear, feel, touch, taste and see different experiences. I love walking – with friends or alone. I love walking.

I live near some of the best public spaces in the world – Holland Park, Kensington Gardens and Hyde Park – and those green spaces have become my friend.

I am not limited to green spaces. I love walking near the River Thames and the many canal walkways in London.

Also I love walking and exploring areas on foot when I am on holiday: Loch Lomand, Berlin, Central Park in New York and St Bees in Cumbria are many of places I have explored on foot.

I have a friend who doesn’t like walking. She would get angry if I suggested a walk. I never got why.

I love walking because it heals my life.

 

Facebook is wrong about relationships

Posted on by joydoneblog

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. Oscar Wilde

A few years ago I attempted to change my relationship status on Facebook. I wanted to all my friends to know I was in a relationship with myself.

The social networking site told me something to the effect that I was unable to change my status as I was unable to have a relationship with myself. That is not true I thought at the time.

I checked Facebook yesterday to see if the same thing would happen. The algorithm ignored my request. This time with no judgement or comment, the sub-context is the same, I can’t have a relationship with myself.

The point is the relationship I have with myself is a lifelong and the most meaningful one I will ever have. This means I have to nurture and care about my own needs first. This has been a toughie because certain people in my life have cut me off since I have been on this journey of transformation. They don’t like the new me.

Being on a new path has been difficult, painful and hard. I hope one day that I will look back and say to myself with pride: ‘I made it through and I am better for it.’

 

The 10p plastic bag and a kiss

Posted on by joydoneblog

My local Morrisons always has a queue. Whenever I go in there, regardless of the time or day, there are lines of people waiting to pay for their shopping. The only time I remember I didn’t have to wait to pay for my groceries was when there was a football match during the World Cup and England were getting demolished in the qualifiers.

To my surprise one day I managed to find a queue that didn’t have at least eight people in front of me. Result. I thought. The elderly lady in front of me was struggling to pay for her food. She kept on dropping her 5p on the floor. Which I dutifully picked up as the lady could have been my mother or grandmother.

She managed to pay for her shopping. Thank goodness.

She then needed to pay for her plastic bag. As her trolley didn’t have enough space. A customer in front had started to have their shopping rung up – I didn’t want her to wait and struggle to get her purse out to pay for it – so I told the cashier that I would pay for it.

As I started to put my shopping on the conveyor belt, something unexpected happened, she gave me the biggest hug and kiss I have ever experienced from a stranager. She was so grateful for my gesture and I was so grateful to her.

Who says London is an unfriendly place.

Dead time. No such thing

Posted on by joydoneblog

Time in which someone or something is inactive or unable to act productively. Definition of dead time.

The time that is spent checking Facebook, looking at email or some insignificant Tweet on your so-called smartphone while on your long commute to work or while you wait for a friend has often been called ‘dead time’.

I really dislike the term.

Let me explain. All time is precious. I will never get back yesterday or even a second ago. Every second, even each nanosecond, is inherently abundant and full of gratitude. It has the ability to create something truly amazing, to transform poison into medicine and create value.

Money or material objects can be replaced but time never can.

Time is the most precious commodity because the only thing that we can never get back.

 

Gratitude is the attitude

Posted on by joydoneblog

Continue to let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer and let faith be the bridge you build to overcome evil and welcome good.  

Maya Angelou

Gratitude is life transforming experience. So many times I have had people in my environment that I do not like. When I started to pray for them and be thankful for them either one of two things happened – they changed or they disappeared from my life. Here are 10 reasons why I am grateful.

  1. I am healthy
  2. Great relationships with friends and family
  3. I live in a beautiful flat in central London
  4. I am happy
  5. Wonderful and interesting work
  6. I have more than I need
  7. I am always in the right place at the right time
  8. I can dance, move and sing to amazing music
  9. I am loved
  10. My challenges – for encouraging me to grow!!

By meeting Mr Wrong I met Mr Right

Posted on by joydoneblog

I had seen this bloke around for many years in the area that I live. We always said hello to each other and once had a conversation about star signs. I am Virgo and he is Scorpio.

One day on a cold crisp day in November I was coming back home from Taplow Court, the headquarters of the Buddhist organisation that I belong to SGI-UK, and I saw him again. This time it was different and he asked me out on a date.

On this date he offered to buy me a drink. I declined. As we sipped our respective fruit juices he talked a lot about his money, cars, property, investments and businesses. It felt rather farfetched and when he paid for his drink he got a wodge of twenty and fifty pound notes to pay. For me this was a first sign of mistrust. Everything about this man was wrong. All I could see was a Robin Reliant that had failed its MOT more than once and he was trying to convince me that he was a Porsche Boxster that had just come out of a car showroom in Knightsbridge or Mayfair.

As we went on more and more dates everything about him was wrong. I was always waiting for him. I felt that he was playing mind games with me. He started calling me derogatory names when I smiled at a male waiter. His stories were always changing and blatantly didn’t add up. He started telling me not to speak to my neighbours who I had been saying hi to for many years.  The last straw was when he told me that I needed to give him money and buy him expensive presents. Hell no I thought.

In the madness I decided to be still and Employ the Strategy of the Lotus Sutra, in other words I put my Buddhist faith first, and I chanted Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. Chanting about the man I felt was causing me to suffer felt wrong. So I decided to chant about my father who for whatever reason I had a lot of resentment towards. In those hours, I felt so much gratitude toward my dad. It was probably the most memorable chanting sessions I had in my life. I knew that something had changed between my father and I. I went to see him when I finished chanting. The grudge had gone. We created a new relationship for the first time and I found Mr Right.  A week later Mr Wrong walked out my life, without me having to ask, and never returned. RESULT!!!!

20160221_094219 (2)

The day I knew it was love

Posted on by joydoneblog

I don’t like the taste of meat. So as a consequence I rarely eat it and I avoid processed meat like the plague. But when I struck up a friendship with a man who really supported me during a difficult time I decided as an expression of gratitude to make him a dish from Guyana, where my wonderful mother is from. The country is in South America and is nestled between Brazil and Venezuela. It has a small, but significant, indigenous population who live in the vast rainforests and they make this delightful dish called Pepperpot.

When I decided to make him this dish it was out of friendship not love. Besides I knew he didn’t like me because he expressed interest in a tiny, small, Swedish girl who was the exact opposite of me in personality and looks.

So I prepared for his visit at least a week in advance. I ordered around eight bits of oxtail from the butchers and a cow foot.  When I spoke to various Guyanese people about the dish, including my mum, friends and family, I got the distinct feeling there were many ways to make this meaty feast.

This is the way I did it. I cleaned the meat. I browned it in a large pan with some sunflower oil. I then added other ingredients: dried chili flakes, dried herbs like rosemary or thyme, salt, pepper, cinnamon, cloves, fresh scotch bonnet and brown sugar. The most important element to Pepperpot is cassareep, a thick black liquid made from cassava root, which gives the stew its distinct flavour. I included three spoons into the pan. I added this all together with lots of water, stirred and cooked initially for a few hours.

For a whole week I nurtured the dish. This is because the longer it cooks the sweeter it tastes – trust me on this one! I heated up the stew every day and skimmed the stew and lovingly stirred.

I served the dish to my friend. We ate, laughed, talked and listened to music. There was a point during the festivities where our eyes met and it was at that moment I knew something had changed. It was love and most importantly it was mutual.